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Billie Eilish Is ‘Uncomfortable’ Being ‘Vulnerable in a Romantic Way’

Billie Eilish Is ‘Uncomfortable’ Being ‘Vulnerable in a Romantic Way’

Billie Eilish is getting candid about why she doesn’t like who she is when she’s in love.

The Grammy and Oscar winner sat down for a recent conversation with Lana Del Rey for Interview magazine, where the latter got straight to the “big” questions about relationships and romance.

“When one of your romantic relationships ends, do you think you leave them with a thousand questions? Or do they leave you with a thousand questions? Or is it split 50-50? Is it more dangerous to fall in love with you? Or is it more dangerous for you to fall in love?” the “Summertime Sadness” singer asked Eilish.

“Big question, Lana,” she quipped in response, adding, “I don’t even know. I think 50-50 is probably accurate. I literally hate who I am so much when I’m in love.”

The “Birds of a Feather” artist — who was last linked to The Neighbourhood frontman Jesse Rutherford before they broke up last year — explained that she struggles with “being vulnerable in a romantic way”

“I really don’t like being — I was going to say out of control, but there’s ways that I do like being out of control,” Eilish said. “I have a power issue and a control issue, and I also don’t like being vulnerable in a romantic way. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t know how many times I’ve really been in love. I think there’s different versions of love, and I think that you can be in love and it might not be deep.”

Elsewhere in the interview, Del Rey noted that she was “surprised” by some of the vulnerable lyrics in “The Greatest” and “Skinny” from Eilish’s latest album Hit Me Hard and Soft. This led the “Video Games” artist to ask her friend and fellow singer if she “does get hurt sometimes” even though she does a good job with hiding it.

“It’s interesting to be a person who isn’t an outwardly sensitive complainer,” Eilish explained. “A lot of moments on this album are about situations where I was like, ‘I’d rather be tortured inside but have somebody think that I’m cool, than have somebody think that I’m hysterical and actually express my feelings.’ So many songs on this album reflect that realization of, like, ‘Maybe I’m obsessed with the idea of nonchalance.’”

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The “Lunch” singer added, “I would rather suffer in silence than tell you something’s bothering me and have you think I’m sensitive.”

Eilish also recognized that she can sometimes come across as “a person that doesn’t care” when in relationships.

“I care about people and I have love and passion, but in relationships, I found myself never ever expressing any of my needs,” she said. “It was interesting to notice I was doing that, and that’s what these lyrics are about. It’s almost like I resent myself for not advocating for myself, because maybe if I had, things would’ve changed. But I’ve always had an issue with weakness.”

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